This is Not His Swan Song
by bejome
Summary: In a final attempt to rid themselves of The Shredder something goes terribly wrong, leading one brother to sacrifice himself to save his family, but leaving them broken in the wake of his choice. Years pass and wounds are starting to finally mend, but when that which is lost returns and brings with it all new horrors where do you draw the line between salvation and sacrifice?
1. The Jump (Edit)

"We're only going to have one chance to do this!" Donatello yelled over the din. Leonardo winced as the familiar voice pierced his eardrum through the microphone around his head, gritting his teeth as he maneuvered the Shellraiser through downtown traffic.

They'd gone over this a thousand times, and then a thousand times more when Donnie had been convinced they all understood what they had to do. Raph and Leo were to run reconnaissance while Mikey and Donnie were to wrap up the final preparations.

What they hadn't expected was for everything to go dead wrong from the get-go.

Now Leo and Raphael were stuck on the other side of town with Donatello and Michelangelo facing off against The Shredder and a portal to an alternate, hellish dimension howling in the background, disrupting radio transmissions and sending everything into a chaotic mesh of roaring winds, wailing from some undefined great beyond, and the stress of all of this going terribly wrong for all of them.

"Talk to me Donnie!" Leo yelled back into the mic, not sure but hoping either Don or Mike would hear and reply.

"We've got him!" Donatello yelled back, " – almost."

"What do ye' mean, 'almost'?" Raph hissed into the mic.

Leo cast him a glance over his shoulder from the drivers' seat. His younger brother's attitude wasn't going to help the situation – despite his appropriate feelings toward Don's unusually un-detailed description of their current dilemma.

"Check this dudes - " it was Michelangelo this time. He turned on the video feed for his headset which sent a very snowy image of Shredder to the Shellraiser's monitors. Their lifelong nemesis could be seen clinging to a small assortment of rebar just outside of the lip of the portal door; a portal door that was bound to close in three minutes, and never open again for at least another millennia.

"Can't you just throw something at him, Mikey?" Raph asked in exasperation.

The screen flickered in and out, but Mike could still be heard.

"Dude, I've been _trying!_" even Raphael could pick up the anxiety in his baby brother's voice at that last word. "I've run out of anything I could chuck at the guy unless you want me to start picking up whole sections of building!"

Leo sighed audibly.

"Do what you can, Mikey."

"See what Donnie's got figured out too." Raph added. "Maybe you two can put somethin' together."

The link went dead right after that. The brothers exchanged concerned glances as Leo attempted to make the Shellraiser maneuver through New York City traffic –not even remotely having dissipated despite the massive portal looming over the lower east side of the city.

"They'll be fine," Leo said – a poor attempt to ease both his as well as Raphael's worries.

A very terse 'yeah' came from Raph's seat. Leo settled back in his own seat, praying quietly that Mike and Donnie would be okay until they got there.

* * *

"Do what you can Mikey." – it was one of the last things Michelangelo heard his brothers tell him as the clock ticked down on the most important battle his family had ever fought.

They were on the precipice of successfully stranding The Shredder permanently in an alternate dimension. They would be rid of the menace that was him and his Foot Clan forever, or would have been if the devious master ninja hadn't found a bunch of dumb rebar to grab onto! Except now all the master ninja had to do was wait out the storm until the portal closed, and then Michelangelo and his brothers would be back to square one with this war all over again.

Unless he did something about it right _now_.

He knew his elder brother hadn't meant what he was thinking, but in the grand scheme of everything Michelangelo didn't know what else to do. Letting this near victory pass seemed so wrong, and as he watched the silhouette of the Shredder against a violent red and purple portal door, and an angry orange sky, Michelangelo came to the most important and most adult decision he had ever made in his very short life.

"Donnie?"

He watched as the Shredder placated himself on the rebar, already setting himself up for a retaliation strike. If that door closed, Mike and his brother would be in for a very short fight. Between the two of them the injures they had sustained getting Shredder there would not allow them to defend themselves should this plan not work. They stood no chance if this battle failed. Neither had informed their other brothers of this, hoping it wouldn't be a factor that would weigh in on the severity of the moment. Mikey wasn't so sure that had been the wisest of choices now, and he was willing to bet Donatello felt the same way.

Mike's heart was caught in his chest, thudding against his plastron as he calculated the risk versus the benefits of waiting this situation out and the likelihood of living to fight another day.

"Just a second Mikey - "

The youngest turtle wasn't surprised by this response. Donnie was no doubt working on a plan – on anything - to get the Shredder unhooked from the rebar. Mikey looked up, his eyes following the line of the elevated scaffolding where Donnie was racing back and forth doing who knew what.

"Donnie?" Mike's eyes returned to the Shredder's silhouette.

For a second he thought he saw the portal door shrink slightly and panic gripped him. If he was going to do this it would be now or never, and never might cost him more than he was willing to lose.

"Mikey, please just - "

"Donnie I know what we need to do."

Mike turned his gaze upward again just as Donnie whirled around to meet his.

"What is it Mikey?"

There was some hesitation, but his elder brother seemed genuinely curious as to what Michelangelo had planned. After all, there had been plenty of times where the youngest of the turtles had surprised each of them with an ingeniously hatched plan, usually out of left field…but this time was different. He tried to hide the quaking in his voice as he gazed into his big brother's eyes who, even from such a distance seemed devastatingly close for what he was about to do.

His reply was almost mumbled when he finally found the nerve to speak.

"I gotta throw everything I have at him, right?"

Donnie's face folded into a frown. It was clear by his expression that he was thinking how he didn't have time for these kinds of games.

"Mike I think Shredder's good until we can figure out a way to dislodge him-"

"That's what I mean man! You're not listening!"

The brother's connected gazes lingered for a longer period of time.

"Mikey I don't know what on earth you're talking about."

"There's only one thing left we can do. I have to do this otherwise this whole thing will have been for nothing!"

Donnie was silent for a minute. It was clear he had no clue what Mikey was talking about. The younger turtle sighed.

Seemed he'd have to spell out his goodbye after all.

"Donnie, I'm going to do this. I'll get the Shredder out of there and send him away for good."

That was it.

Mikey could almost hear the gears in his brother's head come to a screeching halt. If Mikey hadn't been so scared he might have laughed.

"Don't be stupid Michelangelo!" Donnie snapped through the mic (the roar of the portal was making it impossible to hear each other through any other means). "We'll figure this out; it's not worth throwing yourself into hell for!"

"Dude if we don't do this NOW we could spend the next twenty years fighting Shredder! We could _both_ die tonight if I don't!"

"NO!"

"DONATELLO! You know I'm right about this!"

"It's not worth dying over!"

"If I don't do this now we might all die because of him!" Michelangelo knew he was right, and what made it worse was that Donnie knew he was right, but that wasn't going to stop him from stopping his little brother as best he could. "Donnie...I can finally do something right. Let me do this!"

"Mikey..."

* * *

Of all the problems and situations Donatello had expected to endure, today was a day of utterly unexpected firsts.

First, there was an actual opportunity to stop the Shredder once and for all. The one cause his family had been fated to stop time and time again, the evil that his family had dedicated their lives to eradicating, the opportunity to do so had finally arrived.

Then there was everything going wrong. Donnie not stopping to think how unpredictable and dangerous the process of finding and opening a portal to hell would be, what it would cost, and that it wouldn't cooperate just as he had thought. It wasn't his normal science that he was used to, more a combination of magic and science (kudos to Mikey for pointing that out), but it had worked, and for a temporary time the turtles had their very own portal to hell! (Come one, Come all!).

Not least of all was that they had all been separated for far longer than intended in the process of bring this plan to fruition, leaving Donnie and Mikey to deal with Shredder alone. It hadn't been all bad, but it had taken everything they have to get the massive man over the lip of the opening and rocketing toward the portal below their feet. Both had deep injuries that would leave permanent scars, but the deed was nevertheless done.

Now the simple matter of some construction clutter was preventing them from obtaining their final goal.

Finally, he had a brother suddenly willing to throw himself into the pit of hell in hopes of finalizing their master plan and keeping his family safe.

Not a great day in the history of Donatello.

"Mikey I'm coming down there!"

"Bro we don't have time!"

"I'm NOT LETTING YOU DO THIS!"

"I'm not asking _PERMISSION_!"

Donnie heaved himself down the scaffolding in a panic, praying that hesitation would stay Mikey's feet long enough for him to get there and the severity of his own injuries would not slow him too much.

"Mikey! Please!" he wheezed.

There wasn't enough time.

There was too much distance between them.

Michelangelo knew it.

"Dude…I'm sorry…"

Donnie knew the apology was genuine but didn't care. He heard in his brother's voice how much Michelangelo didn't want to do this, and for all of his fear Donatello was genuinely surprised to see his brother's usual upbeat and positive demeanor so succumbed to this most final of solutions to save his family.

"Mikey please just wait!" he begged. Donatello ran until his lungs were about to burst. Tears stung his eyes as air burned his throat, but still he pressed on. Even has he watched Michelangelo leap and land amongst the rebar, dislodging the Shredder and sending them both spiraling toward the open abyss that would lead to who knew what was waiting on the other side.

"MIKEY!"

His eyes widened and the tears fell shamelessly as Donnie witnessed both enemy and brother slipping through the opening of the portal locked in each other's grip, and then the portal closed, damning both of them to a hellish eternity and leaving Donatello standing broken and alone staring into a wide expanse of nothingness that reflected everything he now felt inside.

* * *

The first thing that was established was the mic connection between Leonardo and Donatello.

When Leo heard what he thought was ragged breathing on the other end he first became excited, elated to be able to speak with his brothers again. After a few seconds, however, his fear began to return. His long experience with leadership and ability to read his brothers was sharper than ever before. The silence on Don and Mikey's side told him all he needed to know but didn't want to: something was wrong.

"Donnie?"

There was nothing for a few seconds.

"Donnie? Donnie what happened? Is the portal gone?"

A very tentative "yes" was his brother's reply.

"The Shredder?"

A hesitation that left Leo on edge drifted on the connection for a period of time. The eldest brother felt his heart begin to sink and speed up as he took into consideration that now Donnie and Mike were alone with the most powerful adversary they had ever faced. A whirlwind of plans and strategies started up in his mind as he choked down his sheer panic, but came to a screeching halt at Donnie's next reply.

"Gone."

The brothers exchanged glances. There was a flicker of excitement in his Raphael's eyes. Was it really done?

"As in through the portal?"

It took a long time for Donnie to reply.

"Yeah."

Something squirmed somewhere in Leo's chest. Was it excitement? Relief? Pride? His family had finally rid themselves of The Shredder!

Next to him Raphael's grin widened far beyond anything Leo could ever recall having seen before.

"Holy crap," Raph whispered, it sounded like air escaping a balloon filled to its breaking point. "We did it. It's done!"

Leo afforded himself a small laugh.

"Yeah…"

Raph sat up and started flipping through the monitors for no particular reason other than as an outlet for the collected nerves he'd been accumulating over the past few hours.

"Mikey, when we get over there I'm going to hug you until your head frickin' explodes man!"

Leo laughed. That was right; Mikey was the one who had been trying to dislodge The Shredder. He'd be damned, their little brother did it.

Neither one of them gave a thought to the uncharacteristic radio silence at addressing their little brother. Raph kept laughing as he called out again.

"Hey Donnie, did Mike break his headset?"

"Maybe that's what he threw at him?" Leo joked.

He heard Raph chuckle in reply. The banter was refreshing, but as the radio silence continued Leo began to feel like something was wrong again. For all the happiness that Leo and Raph were feeling, the hush on Donnie and Mikey's side made something feel…off. Something had happened, and Leo wasn't sure he wanted to know just what it was.

"Donnie?"

"Yes?"

It was almost like they'd jarred him out of a deep thought.

"Did you hear Raph?"

It took Donnie a little while to reply again. A very tense "yes" was all they got.

"Donnie, where's Mikey?" Raph laughed. "He's got to be gloating up a storm right now."

More radio silence. Leo swallowed. Hard.

"Donnie. Where's Michelangelo?"

Leo reflected momentarily on how amazing it is that so quickly happiness can be snatched away.

When the reply came over the microphone headset neither Leonardo nor Raphael could believe it. There had to be a mistake. There was no way their little brother was gone. Through tears and sobs Donnie assured them that he'd watched the whole thing, powerless to stop or save Mike from his fate. He told them how he had tried to reach Mikey before he leapt after Shredder, what he had said before taking his suicidal dive into the unknown; all in the name of saving his family."

"Well…we can open it back up right?"

Raph was in denial. He knew as well as the rest of them that it couldn't be done, but he had to ask. The cracking in his voice said as much.

"No." Donnie came back succinctly. "We can't open it back up, Raph. We didn't really even open it to begin with. It was an accident, and it won't open again."

Leo pulled the Shellraiser over into the nearest alley.

"What are you doing?" Raphael snapped. He'd moved from denial to anger fairly quickly. "We need to get up there!"

"That's what we're doing," Leo replied flatly. "C'mon."

For once, Raphael didn't have a retort.

Both of them navigated the rooftops with pressing need. Now that the equipment in the Shellraiser was no longer necessary they could return to it later.

It was hard to believe that Donatello had made a mistake, but wordlessly they both hoped that that was the case. Perhaps Mike had been caught halfway in his fall – like the Shredder – and was waiting for them to find him?

Leo wanted with all of his heart to believe it, but something inside of him knew it wasn't true. There was no way this battle could have ended so easily. One of them was always bound to be lost in this battle. Leo had always prayed it would be him – it would be the easiest, the most appropriate. Raphael would have been second if only for his emotional nature because Leo knew that next to himself, Raph would not be able to handle the loss of a brother and remain untainted from the experience.

Michelangelo had never been a thought in this instance. How could Leo have never been prepared to lose his baby brother?

It didn't take very long to reach the construction site where the portal had been opened. Donatello hadn't left the roof, sitting cross legged with his head in his hands at the lip of where the portal had been opened.

Raphael looked as though he were stuck between saying something and exploding and unsure which was better suited to his current emotional state. Leo placed a hand on his brother's shoulder, but Raph shoved him away and ran to the lower levels of the construction site, probably in hopes to find Michelangelo there. Leo knew better, but wouldn't stop him. He took his place next to Donnie instead and extended a hand to his brother's shoulder who shuddered under the touch.

"This is my fault," Donatello whispered into his hands.

Leo sighed. "It's no one's fault, Donnie. You couldn't control Mikey any more than we could. He made this choice. Not you."

"You weren't there," Donnie breathed. "The look in his eyes, Leo…he knew what he was doing and he didn't want to go."

The eldest brother sighed and clamped his hand tighter around Donatello's shoulder.

"Donnie…this wasn't you. No one's blaming you."

"_I'm_ blaming me."

"Well stop."

Silence for a moment. In the distance Leonardo could hear Raph fumbling around in the lower levels, once in a while crying out for Michelangelo with no response.

"I can't believe it."

"Me neither."

"I mean…Mikey…"

"I know."

Donnie sighed, and Leo could feel a little bit of his brother dissipate with that breath underneath his hand. It was heart wrenching. This was a loss the eldest brother wasn't sure his family might be able to come back from. Listening to Raphael downstairs drove that sensation home just a little bit further.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this." Donnie sniffed and wiped his nose against the back of his hand. Tears were still free flowing down his face. "Of all the things, of all the…people…"

"I know." Leo was beginning to feel like a broken record. "Mikey was the last person I ever thought would…"

It was Donnie's turn to place a hand on his brother's shoulder and truth be told Leo was grateful for it.

"Come on," he whispered with a shaky voice. "Let's get Raph and go home. We have a lot we need to take care of."

"Father won't handle this well."

Leo sat with that statement for a very long time before finally replying; "I don't think any of us will."


	2. Six Years Later

_6 Years Later…_

**Donatello**

Every creature had their place where they took shelter. Try and hide behind their theories of evolution and superior genetics or thumbs or whatever humans might use as an excuse, but at the end of the day they still needed that one place where they felt comfortable and safe, where they could hide even from the person they let themselves become in the outside world.

For Donatello, that place was always his lab. Each of his brothers had carved out a small niche of the sewer for themselves. Leonardo had his temple, Raphael his gym, Michelangelo had had his self built game room-slash-skate park, and Donnie…well…Donnie would always have his lab. Here he spent his lost hours creating, deconstructing, rebuilding, planning, and everything a quiet genius did in a place like this. Truth be told, Donatello half the time never did much other than fix whatever broke around the lair. He liked to try and start grandiose projects but each of them ended up fizzing out around the blueprinting part of the design process. He hated to admit it, but he didn't have the drive anymore. For six long years Donatello had tried, but in the end his days had ended with searching for nothing more than a way to open that portal back up – and for six long years he was met with nothing but heartache, disappointment and anger. Finally after listening to Leonardo and Raphael beg for weeks upon weeks that his health was declining (both physically and mentally) and that this obsession was going to drive him to an early grave – and that they couldn't handle losing another brother – Donnie gave up.

But now what was a genius mutant ninja turtle to do with himself?

Donnie sat up many a night pondering the answer to that question. He wasn't good at sitting around and doing nothing when he had a goal in mind. Granted, Donatello had never had to work on a solution to a problem for six years, and he'd never been nowhere closer to a solution at the close of a project than he had been at the beginning. Perhaps his brothers were right and he needed to give up, but something in him just couldn't let it go.

"Guilt" Leonardo said when his brothers had posed their intervention. "You were there. You were the closest to him and you didn't get there in time to stop him, Donnie. It's guilt. Plain and simple."

"But if I could just figure out how to open the portal-"

"Donnie," Leo sighed, "you said so yourself, there's no way to open it."

"But if I just-"

"No!"

It was Raph this time who spoke, forceful and full of anger. His fist pounded the table he sat at while he spoke, rousing his brothers' attention a little more harshly than he had originally intended. "That's enough, Donnie. There's only so much you can do."

"But it's Mikey!"

"We know!" This time it was almost a snarl. Donnie felt himself deflate somewhat underneath the stern gaze. He had to admit, Raphael had really grown up in the years since Mike's disappearance. Perhaps it was his personal sense of guilt, or inner turmoil, or the determination to never allow a mistake like that to happen again. While Donnie had hurt the longest over Mike's loss, Raphael had undoubtedly hurt the most…if a measurement of pain could ever truly be taken. Now that ache had warped Raphael into an overbearing, demanding and infuriatingly parental figurehead that refused to back down or take no for an answer when it came to his brothers' well being.

Leo interjected this time, albeit more gently than his other brother.

"Donnie…we understand. We truly do. Any one of us would leap at the chance to get Michelangelo back if we know there was even the slightest chance it were possible, but with six years having gone by and still nothing? The only person you're hurting any more is yourself. No one blames you for what happened."

"He's right."

Leo afforded himself a gentle grin and placed a loving hand on Donatello's arm.

"You need to stop blaming yourself now. Move on with your life. It's what Mike would have wanted."

Donnie knew they were wrong. He knew it deep down in his broken heart and in every synapse of his genius brain that they were wrong. There was a way to save Michelangelo. Their brother was alive and trapped, and if he just knew where to start he could find the means to release him from the hell he'd fallen into 6 years ago. The fallacy was that he still didn't know how, and he had no idea where to begin. Whatever it was, wasn't going to happen the normal way Donatello approached things. He'd have to find a different way, and he'd have to figure out how to hide his research. So for now he smiled, nodded, and lied through his teeth.

"Fine. I'll stop. You're right. It's what Mike would have wanted."

The brothers hugged afterward and went their separate ways, as they always did.

That was the part that always hurt the most in the end for Donatello. For being family, they had truly gone their separate ways after Michelangelo had passed. They rarely talked, were rarely ever in the same room together for more than a few minutes. The familial atmosphere had evaporated, and Donatello wasn't really sure why his brothers bothered to intervene on his behalf if they weren't going to take the time to be around themselves.

Donnie sighed and hung his head in his hands, and for the first time in a long time cried fresh tears for all that he had lost.

**Leonardo**

The silence was the hardest thing for Leo to get accustomed to.

Having three brothers lead to a rowdy house; Leo had never realized how much of that was apparently instigated by Michelangelo.

He never realized how much he would miss it either.

Every so often the silence was broken by a tiny whir of some new machinery in Don's lab or by Raph blaring the latest rap or metal hits from the human world, but it was never long term and it was never enough to make Leo feel the need to get up and investigate what was going on. The lack of noise and energy was sometimes more than he could bear. On a few occasions it returned, but only when hunting Foot ninja – or on a rare visit from April or Casey – but otherwise their home was as silent as the graves they had dug for their brother and father years before.

Leo sometimes found himself weeping at what the silence truly meant in his homestead now.

Keeping them together, trying to keep his brothers sane had been like attempting to maintain the ends of a rapidly fraying rope: impossible and exhausting.

He wished more than ever that he had known how Mikey had done it. Somehow the youngest of his brothers had always been able to maintain that bond amongst all of them through his actions – a certain magic of the heart that Leo had taken for granted until now. Now the job was left to each of them, and they hadn't a clue how to do it. Each of them was lost in their own selfish grief. Leo couldn't blame them. At times he was just as bad, but he knew that if actions weren't taken then all would be lost. What meager bits of them that remained would be buried with Mike and Splinter.

Often Leo would meditate on the matter, hoping to reach out and find his father in the nether of the afterlife for guidance and advice. He never found either. Leo had learned long ago to meditate and separate his spirit from his body, seeking out answers from the spirits of the wise that had passed before him…but Splinter could never be found, and Leo was heartbroken at how alone he now was in his meditations. He knew Splinter had mentioned something similar however when seeking out Michelangelo's spirit. For some reason he could not reach out to locate his son's soul. There was speculation in the beginning as to whether or not he was even really dead, but knowing what they knew about the portal, well, there was no way Mikey had survived long in that realm, unless his spirit was trapped there as well, and that was a disheartening notion.

Donatello had had a morbid interpretation of the issue, wondering if as mutants perhaps they had no souls that passed on after this life. Splinter had heard none of it though.

"All things that are living have souls, my son," he had said gently and with some tint of exhaustion. "Wherever Michelangelo's is I can only hope it is at peace."

Leo prayed the same thing, though Donnie's words had disturbed him, not only for his little brother's sake but everyone's.

"Do you really think that Donnie?" Leo had asked him later that night.

His brother sighed with some sense of exhaustion.

"I don't know Leo," he replied honestly "I mean the whole concept of a soul really only satisfies the ego-centric notion that some part of us lives on after our death."

"Why is that ego-centric?"

"Because we're afraid that if we die that that's just it, and people can't accept that notion as a fact so they made things up. It's the same idea as reincarnation, Leo. We're too important to just stop, we must go on somehow."

"So you really don't think Mikey could be out there?"

Leo saw Donnie's shoulders fall a little bit and he instantly regretted asking the question. Nevertheless, his little brother answered.

"I think if he is, he's alive and physically trapped in that hell we let him drop himself into in order to save us."

The conversation ended there, and it had given Leonardo something to wonder. Perhaps there really was nothing after this? Perhaps his father and brother were just gone, and the only thing left in their wake was sadness and regret. Perhaps the only thing anyone ever left at the end of their life was nothing but memories and bones and soon even those were gone forever.

Perhaps it was time to let go and stop searching. He'd made Donatello stop in his own way – but he thought that was only because what Donnie was doing hadn't been healthy, and in truth it hadn't. But was Leo any better in his attempts at finding justification for what had happened to him and his family? He didn't know anymore, and he was broken and tired of searching for answers from dead men. Perhaps it was time to stop.

He sighed and blew out the candle, leaving himself to weep for his lost and tired heart in darkness.

**Raphael**

There was never anything good on TV anymore.

Raph switched through ten more channels before finally giving up and shutting it off. He'd been grateful for the crap television in the begging. That and beer had become his safe havens and his addictions in the months following Mikey's disappearance. The second variable at least right up until his brothers had intervened, concerned for his health and his sanity.

Guess there weren't a lot of therapists out there for mutant ninja sewer dwelling turtles.

Mikey would have laughed at that, or had something better.

It was funny, six years later and he still wasn't used to the squirt being gone. Suddenly his baby brother was all grown up and making life changing decisions…getting himself killed to save his brothers…and Raph was left with a hole in his heart that couldn't be filled, and the nagging feeling that somewhere Michelangelo was still hiding somewhere – ready to chuck a water balloon at him from the shadows, or draw on his face while he was asleep on the couch. Every morning he woke up to expect something, and each time was met with disappointment and heartache at the lack of idiotic antics that his baby brother would have pulled just to make Raphael feel like he was the focal point of someone's attention.

It was funny; Raph would think from time to time, how somehow Michelangelo had always known what each of his brothers needed.

Raphael had always wanted to have someone paying attention to him – he was a middle child who had always felt like his father's attention skipped over him, so Mike made up for it by playing pranks on him and telling him stupid jokes. He had always seemingly been a central point in Michelangelo's life for good or ill – and Raphael who had always been annoyed to downright pissed off about so much of it had never taken the time to realize that it was his little brother's way of trying to make his big brother feel important.

It was after that realization that Raphael had started to drink.

Donatello had talked to him about the five stages of grief. The first was denial and isolation, something he had fallen into from the minute they'd gotten the news through their com links about Mike's death. After that, it was anger. Unfortunately anger was a demon Raphael had been dancing with most of his life, and that was the most difficult hurdle he'd had to clear. Bargaining came next, but with that not being a viable option the next had been depression.

That was when Raphael had started to drink more.

And then Splinter had passed.

Eventually it came to the point where Donatello and Leonardo feared that they would be burying another brother, and the alcohol was removed completely. April and Casey had even been present to make sure he didn't relapse, and eventually Raph was left with a broken heart and no outlet to placate his grief.

Time had helped, and his brothers had been as supportive as possible while in turn dealing with the grief in their own ways. It wasn't the best of situations, but all things considered Raphael figured he had been pretty selfish in his way of dealing with everything. This epiphany had led to some major character changes over the past few years.

Guilt became Raphael's driving force to be a better brother. Where he couldn't save Michelangelo, he would not allow the same mistakes to be made with Leo or Donnie, so he became vigilant. He was the one that had suggested they talk to Donnie who had been holing himself up in his lab for the past six years trying to find a way to find their brother, and with that being over Raph now fully intended to speak with Leo about his isolation in his temple.

While it was true they had all become withdrawn and distant, he knew that maintaining this stream of action was only doing the family more harm than good – and it was not what Michelangelo would have wanted for them.

Slowly Raphael had taken it on himself to do all that he could to keep his family together. It might not have been with the touch of annoying affection that Michelangelo had had, but at least it would be something. He owed his little brother that much, and it was the least he could do to honor his memory.

Sometimes however, when it was late and his brothers were still asleep, Raphael couldn't help but sneak into the untouched bedroom of six years and flip through the old comic books and novels that still lay where they had last been. A thin film of dust covered some places, but others Donatello had taken care to clean over time. He'd sit for hours just taking it in, sometimes saying nothing, and sometimes offering up a prayer to his dead brother, or just talk into the emptiness as if his brother was still there. He wasn't sure if Mike could hear him, wherever he was. Raphael hoped he could, even if it only served to remind Michelangelo that someone was thinking about him. For whatever reasons, Raphael felt that that was important.

He was pretty sure he wasn't the only one who did it either, judging by how the sheets would straighten themselves mysteriously between his visits here. Donatello claimed that he cleaned, but truth be told sometimes the room went untouched for months. No, whatever it was, they hadn't truly let Michelangelo go.

Raphael knew that was the one thing none of them would ever be able to do.

When you're a sewer dwelling mutant that doesn't have much, it's hard to let go of something so important – even if it's already gone.


	3. On The Road Again

_**A/N: **__So…reviews are appreciated? Constructive criticism…all that. FEED THE HUNGRY AUTHOR'S SOUL!_

Raph sighed as he rummaged through the old comic books in Michelangelo's room. He'd read each of them time and time again, hoping to find something that would jog some long lost memory of his baby brother. Yet for the messy individual Michelangelo had been, he had somehow managed to keep his precious comic books in almost perfect condition. There were no scribbled notes; no pizza or soda stains on any of the pages. The books were all the same way too, almost surprisingly immaculate with the exception of a few dog eared pages and a thin layer of dust.

It was hard to accept, but Raphael might have finally found all there was left hidden of his brother in the crevices of his bedroom. Now there was nothing new – and with that it almost felt as though there was nothing left to keep Michelangelo's memory alive. With a growl Raph collapsed onto Mikey's bed, his head in his hands. His desperation was tantamount, though he wasn't entirely certain why; Raphael had never been the sentimental type, but the years after Michelangelo leaving had changed him and he was now pitiably frantic to grasp whatever he could as he felt those memories slipping away.

"I never thought it would come to this," he muttered quietly. "But I didn't think we'd ever have to say goodbye to you, of all people."

Raphael had never been one to use words to explain himself or communicate ideas. He rarely told his brothers he loved them, not because he didn't, it just wasn't him. He had always been a person (or turtle?) who let his actions speak for him. Raphael showed his love in his over-protectiveness and zealous need to make sure they always did better. It was why he had always been so vigilant. He may beat the crap out of his brothers in training or in fights, but he'd be damned if anyone else ever laid a hand on them.

He continued to sit in silence, wringing his hands and wondering if he should bother speaking anymore. At night Raphael would sneak in here and pretend he could still hear Michelangelo with his wispy little snores and spit bubbles. He'd whisper into the darkness and hope that some essence of his brother could still hear him, wherever he was. Slowly, Raph had grown out of this habit, knowing better than to think that anything heard him, but he still came here once in a while for comfort and to ease his thoughts and heart. Lately though, it hadn't been working, and for as much as Raphael hated to admit it, he knew why: he was finally accepting that Michelangelo was gone.

"I'm sorry, little brother," he whispered for what he had decided would be the last time within his dead brother's room. "I hope you can forgive us…but we need to move on. _I_ need to move on. I can't keep hanging onto you like you're gonna come back." He felt a pinprick in his heart as the words were uttered. "Because I know you won't. I love you Mikey…" he sighed, straightening the bed sheets even though he was still sitting on them. He played with the pillow, stained with countless tears of each of his brothers' no doubt, and a few of his own as well. "But I gotta let you go."

The silence lingered for a few minutes. Raphael had expected nothing less.

"I love you, little brother." He said with a sad smile. After a few more minutes he got up and left.

* * *

Leo was somewhat surprised when Raphael joined him on the couch, a soda in hand for both of them. He took it without question, not sure what to expect from the gesture.

"So…I think we need to talk," Raph stated casually. Leo raised an eye ridge. Whatever he had been expecting, that wasn't it.

"Okay…sure. What's up?"

"Each of us has come out of our…_shell, _sort of speak…except you, and I don't think Donnie's got the guts to talk to you about it, so it's up to me."

Leo's expression fell, along with his gaze. He turned back to watch the TV as if hoping to try and avoid the conversation his brother had just initiated.

"What?" Raph growled after a few moments of prolonged silence.

"Nothing," Leo cast a furtive glance at him, but did nothing else. His eyes snapped back to the television soon thereafter.

"All right, what is your deal?"

"I don't have a _deal_," Leo sighed. "I'm just waiting for you to do your thing so this can be over with."

"Over with?" Raph huffed, "You think this is just gonna be a girl scout meeting session or something?"

"No Raph, I don't."

"Then what is it? Why are you taking a proactive stance in everyone's grief counseling but your own, _Leo_?"

"It's not that easy," was all he could think to say. It was a pitiful excuse, he knew it was, and he knew exactly what Raphael was going to say about it too.

"Easy? Easy?! Of course it ain't easy Leo! That's the freaking point! That's why I'm doing this!"

Leo frowned.

"What exactly are you doing?"

Raph stared him down for a few seconds, his eyes never blinking. Leo waited, wondering if his brother was going to start talking or start throwing punches. Both options seemed just as likely, but Leo wasn't honestly certain which he preferred over the other. A fight might be better. They'd been wrapping up all of their anger and pain for so long that maybe one good sparring match was what they would need to get themselves feeling somewhat like their old selves again. The thoughts made Leo smile absentmindedly. Raph noticed.

"What are you smiling at, idiot?"

"Just thinking," Leo answered honestly.

"About what?"

_Oh hell_, Leo thought, _why bother hiding it?_ It was going to end one way or another anyway.

"I was thinking that this conversation is only going to end one way or another."

It was Raph's turn to grin now, devious and familiar. It spurred something familiar and calming deep inside of Leo.

"And that is?"

"Well…we're either going to start shouting and walk away…or," he turned back to glare Raph down in his dominant, big brother expression. "We're going to start beating the crap out of each other."

Raph's expression didn't change even as he took another swig from his soda can.

"Well, which would you prefer big brother?"

* * *

The first thing Donnie thought was that someone had broken into the lair. His heart raced somewhat as he heard shouts and the clash of steel. The lair had been quiet for so long that for a moment he wasn't sure how to react. He had no clue the last time he'd used his bo staff, much less where the accursed thing even was now. He was weaponless!

He thought then to call out to his brothers, but chances were high that they were already on their way to meet the intruders. It sounded like they were in the sparring room, ironically. At least when he met up with Leo and Raph they would have the advantage. Whoever broke in would likely not know how to use most of what was in there, unless they were Foot clan.

If that were the case, then things might end poorly for all of them.

Donnie raced from his lab through the corridor leading to where the noises were coming from. Raph and Leo must have already gotten there judging by the voices that were joined in the fray. Damn him and his indecisiveness! If they were going to go out, they'd go out together. If this was Foot clan, so be it!

He broke through the door with full force and was both shocked and appalled to find only Leo and Raph dueling with their favorite weapons, katana and sai. They didn't seem intent on killing each other, much to Donnie's relief and surprise. It seemed like nothing more than a sparring session. Both were covered in sweat and a few nicks here and there from the blades, but otherwise they seemed to be …having fun?

"Guys?!" Donnie shouted across the room. He was utterly incredulous and slightly perturbed. Why had they decided to do this? Why now? What was this proving? Why did they look so…happy?

His brothers were immediately booted from their fighters' trance.

The look on his face must have been something, because a few seconds after they noticed him they burst out in fits of laughter. Raph had tears in his eyes while Leo was doubled over – looking as though mere breathing was painful.

This serviced Donatello's frustrations immensely.

"Sorry Donnie," Leo smiled with some embarrassment. "Raph and I thought it would be a good idea to blow off some steam, so - "

"So you guys come in here and start hollering and fighting, making me thing the whole damn Foot clan's pouring in on our damned heads?!"

The smiles waned somewhat on their faces as they realized they'd probably sent their brother into a full-fledged panic at their antics.

"Sorry Donnie," Leo repeated, more somberly this time. "We should have told you."

Raph remained silent, though the amusement had drained itself out of his face.

They sat for some time in silence before Donnie finally decided it wasn't worth being so angry over, never mind the fact that he felt somewhat left out.

"What were you two doing, anyway?" He mused, slowly moving toward one of the dusty weapon racks that were just as filled with cobwebs as they were arsenal. Had they really left this place vacant for so long?

"Just…working through a disagreement," Raph replied.

"A disagreement?"

Leo smiled again, his eyes drifting down to the floor.

"Yeah."

Donnie's eyes danced in confusion from one brother to the other.

Raph suddenly started laughing, drawing both Leo and Donnie's attention. While the former brother remained silent, Donnie, perturbed, acted.

"What is it?"

"Oh nothing!"

Before he had the chance to say anything a sai came whirling past his head and struck the wall behind him. It wasn't close enough where Donatello would have felt Raphael had been deliberately attempting to hurt him, but it did startle the younger turtle nonetheless.

"What the hell, Raph?!" He yelled, eyeing where the weapon had fallen to the ground.

"What, you mad?" Raph sniffed.

"What's WRONG with you?!" He looked pleading to Leo who, much to Donnie's chagrin, didn't seem to phased by his brother's behavior. "With _BOTH_ of you?! What's gotten into you?!"

"C'mon Donnie," Raph chided. "C'mere…"

Was Raph seriously picking a fight with him?

Was Leo seriously not going to do anything about this?

Donnie eyed both of them, watching how they moved, their faces. Something was different. If he didn't know any better, he might even go so far as to say…familiar. His brothers seemed like themselves again, not the guilt laden creatures they had been for the past six years, or at least less of them. There was a feint glimmer of excitement and energy again. Donnie was baffled by this. But more so, he was intrigued.

Slowly, Donatello reached for a familiar weapon off the rack, and felt his smile begin to grow at the familiar feel of the bo staff in his calloused fingers.


	4. The Forgotten Anniversary

It had been a long time since there had been some laughter at the Hamato dinner table.

While each brother made their own contribution to their first meal together in years, the main focus was not the food itself. It was rebuilding their broken family. Overall if Leo could have rated the experience thus far, it was going better than he had expected.

"I didn't think I'd missed sparring that much," Donnie stated somewhat absentmindedly. "It felt…_good_ to be in the dojo again."

Leo smiled gently as he spooned some very soupy macaroni and cheese onto his plate.

"I'd have to agree. All the years spend in meditation still don't come close to the workouts in the end."

Raph snorted, but not derisively.

"Hell I could'a told you whacking a few dummies was more fun then the little spirit naps you've been taking!"

It was Donnie's turn to laugh at that one, but Raph wasn't going to let him get away with it easily either.

"And you Mr. Laboratory, same goes for you."

"No, you're right," Donnie acquiesced as he took a bite of salad, nodding to accentuate his belief in his brother's words. "We've each been burying ourselves for too long into our own endeavors and distractions after burying Splinter and Mikey. We forgot each other along the way." He stopped for a moment, sighing. "I think they'd both be disappointed in us if they could see us right now."

With that being said, the mood fell somewhat, but Leo was determined to keep the momentum going.

"I think they can," he offered as cheerily as possible, "and I think that they would be happy to see that we're trying again. Being ourselves, being who they wanted us to be."

Donnie nodded in somber agreement. Raphael only grunted.

More silence as Raph began to play with his food and Donnie stirred his own around a bit on the plate. Leo struggled to find something to say – anything to lighten the mood – and felt a sudden and unlooked for pang for Michelangelo's absence. Their baby brother would have known exactly what to do or say right now.

"Well…if they are watching us," Raph sighed, "I hope Mikey can drop us a line on how the hell he managed the cooking for so long. This food tastes like crap."

Leo was the first to roar in laughter at the statement, whether it was ill intended or not. While he himself had been thinking about the quality of their meal with some humor in his own mind, he had not anticipated either of his brothers to vocalize his sentiment over the meal. He felt that it would have only brought on more painful memories and left the night sour.

"I was going to ask," Donnie managed between snickering, "were you making stew or mac and cheese when you put this together, Raph?"

"Yeah? Well is this salad dressing or something you sneezed up?" Raph chortled as he tossed a leaf at Donnie.

By the time they had recomposed themselves, each was happily complaining about aching sides while wiping tears from their eyes.

"Do you remember when Mikey used to make us watch Hell's Kitchen?"

Raph and Donnie groaned in an amused reply.

"I remember him trying to come up with this ingenious plan to disguise himself to get on the show!" Donnie added with faux excitement. "He used to say he was _certain_ he could win and make us all rich!"

"Yeah minus the whole sewer dwelling mutant thing?" Raph added.

"You know I always brought that up soon thereafter," Donnie continued with a grin. "But he said he hadn't 'worked that part out yet'. He did say the worst thing that would happen if it backfired was becoming a dish on the show. Giant turtle stew?"

The brothers laughed again.

"I think Splinter was the only one that ever enjoyed watching it with him."

Leo laughed. "Splinter was always more than happy to encourage Michelangelo's cooking."

"Well the shrimp was good at it," Raphael added with a sigh. "Never left us wanting when it came to meal time."

"Or a joke," Leo added. "Even if it was a bad one."

Raph's smile faded, but it was still present as he said: "they were all bad."

"Only most of them," offered Donatello encouragingly. His smile still hadn't dissipated, even as the conversation turned serious.

The table went quiet soon thereafter as each played with their food and mulled it around on their plates again.

Time went by and they ate in silence. It wasn't until Raphael got up and brought back three beers from the refrigerator that the conversation got started again, albeit this time more heatedly.

"You're not supposed to have these," Donatello frowned as the can was pushed in his direction.

"You're not very good at looking for hiding spots," Raphael chided. "Besides, it's a special occasion."

"What's that?" Leo asked as he twirled the can around in his deft fingers. He had never liked beer, but was willing to play along in the wake of a long overdue family gathering.

"Six years to the day."

The silence returned after Raphael made that proclamation, and damned if Leo's blood didn't turn cold at the realization of it. His brother was right. Today was the anniversary of their defeat of the Shredder, and the loss of their brother. Today had been both a celebratory and dark mark in the history of the Hamato clan, as it had been the beginning of the breaking of their family ties; an event that had almost destroyed them completely.

"How did I miss that?" Donnie whispered into his plate, his face wiped of anything but disbelief.

"Honestly," Raph chided with some semblance of his old self, "I have no idea. You're our data guy, how did that get by you?"

The joke wasn't as uplifting as Raphael had intended it to be, judging by his following expression on Leo's end, but thankfully the night hadn't been ruined by it.

In hopes of changing the direction of their family meal, Leo raised his beer can, now opened.

"To Michelangelo," his voice was soft but firm. He would not allow himself to cry anymore. It meant little, and knew that from this day on they would have to leave their old wounds buried with those they had lost if his family as going to get any better. Who was better suited to take the first steps then the eldest? "a brother who made us laugh when we forgot how."

Raphael followed suit, raising his own can tearfully.

"May he keep laughing wherever he is."

"And may we never forget the lessons he taught us, even when he didn't know it."

Each took a swig of their beer, Donnie and Leo making a face in their displeasure. Donatello soon swiped Raph's and proceeded to pour the rest down the drain.

"This stuff is never entering the lair again," Donnie warned over his shoulder. Raphael sighed in defeat, causing Leo to grin.

"So now what?" asked Raphael as he began to tip his seat precariously on it's back legs. "We make nice and do what exactly? Hasn't exactly been a lot of bad guys to fight."

"I don't think we need to worry about retuning to the surface any time soon," Leo stated with little interest. "I'm more concerned that we can work together still. One good sparring session doesn't mean we're ready to hit the streets again, Raph. You're all rough around the edges. You've gotten sloppy."

Raphael clicked his tongue against his teeth with some irritation.

"Just us? Jesus Leo, you think you were perfect in there?"

"Not at all," he proclaimed with minor annoyance. "But we have no business going topside until we can get our techniques down again."

"We'll have to make adjustments to it as well," Donatello pointed out.

For a moment Leo was going to ask what he meant by adjustments, but thankfully it hit him before he made himself look like a complete moron.

They were used to fighting as a team of four. Now they were three.

Leo felt his heart sink slightly at both realizing that, and that he had forgotten it so quickly. Again.

"You're right," he stated. "We'll have to figure out how to make up for…"

"For Mikey not being here?"

There was Raph, slinging words like daggers. Leo gave the benefit of the doubt that his brother didn't mean to be so crass about the situation. Like it or not, he was also right regardless.

"Yeah," Leo breathed.

Leo's mind began to whirl in a million different directions, and it was apparent on his face. Donatello cleared his throat loudly to get his brothers' attention.

"You know guys, we could…visit April."

Both looked up.

"April?"

Donnie's face fell.

"Don't tell me you've forgotten - "

"No, idiot!" Raph growled and swiped at his brother playfully, his chair launching him upward in the process and bringing him a little closer to actually hitting Donatello that he meant. Maybe. "I remember her, I just…I thought she'd kind of gone her own way after we went …well…"

"_Our_ own way?"

"Yeah."

Donatello shook his head, an embarrassed smile teasing at the edges of his mouth.

"I kept in touch."

Raphael clicked his tongue again. "Of _course_ you did."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Guys!" Leo raised his hands and waved them to bring them back around. "Donnie…I think that's a good idea if she'll have us."

Donnie's face nearly shattered in his wide grin. He was up and away from the table in an instant while shouting back at them something about how she would love to see them and that he'd contact her right away. Or something or other. Raphael sighed and turned a playful glare to his elder brother.

"What?" Leo asked, raising his shoulders defensively.

"Really? We're gonna go visit April? Why do you encourage this unrequited love thing with him?"

"She's with Casey, Raph, Donnie knows that."

"Yeah but he's been … ah, forget it." Raphael went back to rocking his chair on its hind legs. "I guess we all need something."

Leo raised an eye ridge at the sudden sadness in his brother's voice.

"What's got you all of a sudden? Donnie's crush on April never bothered you before."

"It still doesn't I just…"

"What's up Raph?"

They didn't get to finish their talk, as Donatello practically came dancing out of his lab – all smiles and waving a shell cell like it was a holy relic.

"April AND Casey said they would LOVE to have us over."

"Great." Raph replied, clipped.

Donnie's face changed from elated to frustrated really quickly. Leo waved a hand, assuring Donatello not to be bothered with their brother's sudden change in attitude.

"That's good news, Donnie," Leo replied gently to offset Raph's less than kind words. "We'd be happy to visit them whenever they feel like company."

"Oh April said we could come over anytime. Always welcome!"

Leo eyed Raphael one more time and replied that tomorrow would work best. Donnie agreed and ran off again, now doubt chatting up a storm with Ms. O'Neill.

"What gives, dude? I'd think you'd want to see Casey again?"

Raphael grunted and took another large bite of macaroni and cheese, clumpier now as it had sat out for so long.

"Something up?" Leo felt it might not have been the best idea to press the situation, but his curiosity outweighed his consideration for his brother's space. "You two fight last time you talked?"

"Kinda."

Raphael, brevity was his strong point when it was the least convenient.

"Okay so…what happened? Can I help?"

"It was six years ago."

Now it was Leo's turn to click his tongue disapprovingly. He knew immediately where this was going, and couldn't believe what he knew he was about to hear.

"Let me guess…he offered you some advice about our situation at the time and you blew up at him? Said some stuff you shouldn't have said, and never looked back out of guilt, huh?"

Raphael laughed ironically.

"You got me all figured out, bro."

"Damn it Raphael," Leo sighed. "He's your friend. He was only trying to help you!"

"In case you've forgotten, back then I didn't want any help."

"Some times I think you still don't."

Raphael grinned.

"Then sometimes you'd be right."

Leo shook his head. He looked up waiting for Donnie to pop out of his lab any minute with more overly joyous news about how happy their friends were to be seeing them again. He was slightly relieved when it didn't happen. While Donatello's one-sided romantic affection for April was at times amusing, it was also somewhat sad when Leo thought about how much denial Donatello was over his feelings, and how much it might crush him when he realized them and what it meant.

But that was a battle for another time.

"Well I guess you'll get a chance to say sorry."

Now Raphael snorted. "Yeah, cause I'm so good at that."

Laughing and standing to leave, Leo patted his brother's shoulder.

"You've changed a lot Raph, for the better in spite of things. I'm sure you'll find it won't be as hard as you think. Who knows, Casey may have forgiven you already."

"Joy!" Raphael exclaimed, waving his fork around erratically. "Can't wait to find out."


	5. A Family Again

A/N: Wow, I let this go for a bit and suddenly I have a whole bunch of reviews. Thanks guys! I've read a lot of your comments and I truly appreciate the constructive reviews and feedback. You make a girl feel special! On with the story! And I hope you all continue to enjoy where it takes you as well as me!

* * *

**A Family Again**

* * *

For the first time in a long time, April wore a bright, welcoming smile as her old time friends stood in her doorway.

In truth, the expression was a ruse. For as much as she had missed her friends, she was not terribly overjoyed to see them. Too much time had passed and too much damage wrought in the time that had passed. Her friends were more strangers than friends now. Still, propriety dictated that they get together and settle their issues, and April knew they all could use some resolution in their lives.

Casey hadn't returned home from work yet, which left Raphael slightly less on edge than he had been moments before she had announced as much, but that didn't seem to stop him from being jumpy. She had thought to say something in concerns to his behavior, but felt that was best left for later. April honestly wasn't sure if they were at a point to be pressed for many details yet. Six years or not, she still had little idea of where her friends stood emotionally.

"Gosh April," Donnie chuckled with a hint of guilt "it's been too long."

While her smile didn't fade too noticeably, April's expression did harden somewhat, perhaps even held a bit of sadness too.

The last time they'd all been together was…well, the last time they'd _all_ been together. It was sobering to see them sans Michelangelo. It was like seeing them handicapped – and perhaps that thought was more accurate than she realized, on an emotional level – and April didn't know what to do.

There was no easing that pain, she knew, but damned if she and Casey hadn't tried. After all, it was a shared pain. The loss of Michelangelo had been hard on them as well.

The more April watched as they awkwardly found seats, April began to realize that perhaps now was the time to heal those wounds for good. It seemed like the turtles were finally beginning to take those steps – a good sign.

Suddenly realizing she had been quiet for too long, April forced a short laugh.

"Far too long, Donatello. I've missed you – _all_ of you."

Each looked a little more at ease but also slightly ashamed having acknowledged how little of a part of their lives April had been since Michelangelo's loss. Splinter had been just as hard, as April had seen him as a father figure just as much as the turtles had, and the only notice she'd been given about that was a brief phone call.

The pain was most certainly still a little raw between them, and she could tell they were aware of it too.

"Sorry April," Leo smiled sadly. "It…well…to be honest, there's no good reason for us not having kept in touch." He rubbed the back of his head wordlessly.

That was for damned sure.

April started to say something. Lord knew she'd had these words prepared for a while, on how she was going to ream them all out and then storm out of their lives forever soon thereafter. It was far more theatrical than she really wanted it to be, but it seemed to be the only way to get the point across.

Having that pain and neglect suddenly be acknowledged so out in the open was both baffling and humiliating to April for reasons she wasn't quite sure of, but she knew that if the conversation started now it would soon escalate into an argument, and now wasn't the time. She ignored Leo's words and instead casually stated: "Well, come, sit down. I've arranged for dinner. The favorite, as usual."

More nervous smiles graced her friends' faces as they took seats in the living room. Raph's eyes continued to glance periodically toward the door. April pretended not to notice. She hadn't told Casey that they'd be coming over. At the time it seemed for the best. She couldn't tell though if Raphael's behavior was sourced from anticipation or anxiety. She knew that neither of them had parted on good terms…in fact good terms were not exactly existent between them right now. But those battles would come later, now was the time to pave new paths and start healing. Everything else had a time and place that was not here.

"So…what's going on?" April asked, almost pleadingly, to get a conversation going. "What have you guys been up to?"

A resounding silence followed her inquiry, which was about what she had expected. After a few seconds however, Donatello spoke up.

"Failed research mostly," he confessed with an awkward smile. "Trying to…figure things out. Make things right."

April's face fell. Somehow, this response surprised her. She knew Donnie well enough to hear the admittance between those words. He'd been trying to reopen the portal…to bring Michelangelo back, even though they'd all acknowledged at the beginning that there was no way that it could happen. It was a risk they had all been ready to take.

Or so they had thought.

She placed a hand on her friend's shoulder and was surprised to find that he had to stop himself from recoiling at the touch – a byproduct of self isolation – and squeezed it gently.

"Donnie…" was all she could say, trying as best she could to silently convey her sadness and understanding.

"It…hasn't been a smooth transition," Leo confessed. "We've only just now started to realize how poorly we've handled all of this. Splinter's loss didn't make it any easier."

April nodded in understanding. It was true that Splinter had been the one doing his best to ease his sons' grief. His own unprecedented loss had hit too hard, too soon, and left the turtles with little recovery time from Michelangelo's death to handle their father's as well.

"Well I'm glad you're finally starting," April replied gently.

"We also abandoned you guys to deal with your grieving alone," Leo acknowledged, his voice slightly lower and steadier now. "Which wasn't acceptable; You guys…you're family too, and we forgot that somewhere along the way."

April felt her eyes fill with tears. It was nice to hear her own and Casey's pain being acknowledged, even if it wasn't the focal point of the night.

"So we're going to try to make amends, if we can," Leo continued, "start doing things right. It's what our brother and our father would have wanted, and it's what we want too."

"Leo…"

She didn't give the eldest turtle much time to reach before launching herself in to him and wrapping her arms around his neck.

Leo held her in turn, feeling somewhere between happy familiarity and awkward emotionalism.

"I'm sorry, April. _We're_ sorry."

"I know," she whispered. "Thank you."

They pulled away and smiled, she then moved to hug Donnie and Raph in turn. As she embraced each of her friends, she felt something of a piece of her raw anger peel off and melt away. It wasn't complete forgiveness, and they all knew that, but it was a start, and it felt good to be loose of the weight.

"I'm really glad you guys are here," she said, this time sounding more meaningful in her words. "We've missed you."

"We?"

April smirked as she faced Raphael.

"Yes, _we_," she replied. "You and Casey may not have parted on the best of terms, and you both may still be angry at each other – both of you having good reasons - " she added, throwing an index finger in Raphael's face which caused his brother's to chuckle, "but he's missed you, and you've missed him I'd wager, even though neither of you would ever admit it!"

"Sounds about right," Leo added with some snark.

Raphael glared daggers at his brother but didn't say a word. He didn't want to start an argument with April – but he'd have put money on the fact that Casey likely never wanted to see him again. Not after the last thing Raphael had said.

"Whatever," he sighed, sitting back down. "Guess we'll see."

"Guess we will," April said in agreement.

"So…what have we missed?" Donnie asked, eager now to get the conversation moving now that the elephant in the room had been acknowledged. "What's been going on with you and Casey? The surface world?"

"You mean 'have we missed anything weird'?" April laughed, settling back down onto the couch.

"That too," Leo admitted sheepishly. "We kinda stopped keeping up with things everywhere."

"Yep," Raphael added. "Out of the loop, out of practice…and in Donnie's case over there, out of shape too!"

Leo roared with laughter while April struggled pitiably to withhold her own. Donnie blushed a deeper shade of green and glared at his brother with a deep, seething hatred.

"I am _not_!"

"Whatever you say," Raph teased, "but you were having trouble keeping up in sparring yesterday."

"I… you…Raph!"

Leo, finally having regained himself, spoke up. "No worse than the rest of us, really."

April's smile drained as she peered over at Leo in disbelief.

"Have you guys not been training?"

It was Leo's turn to look ashamed again, an expression that was quickly reflected in his brothers' faces.

"We continued up until Splinter…" Leo trailed off after that. April felt that she understood. "I tried to keep things going but…it was too hard. I became wrapped up in my grief same as everyone else and I just…stopped caring anymore. It was hard enough trying to adjust without Mikey. I never realized how much we relied on his agility until …well…" he trailed off again.

"Training was never the same," Raphael agreed stoically.

Leo nodded. "Not even for Splinter."

Suddenly, Donnie chuckled, drawing everyone's slightly surprised gazes in silence and curiosity.

"Do you remember that time one of the practice bots fell over and Splinter turned and yelled at Mikey for it?"

A sad laughter resounded from everyone.

"He was so used to nagging Mikey for screwing around," Raph added, his expression falling. "He had just…_assumed_…"

"That ended up being a rough day," said Leo. "It was one of those rare moments when I remembered father was having just as difficult of a time adjusting as we were."

"I remember," Donnie went on. "He called training after that and we didn't return to the dojo for a week."

"That was a year after, too," Leo said with a sigh. "I remember him saying once that sometimes he thought he still felt Michelangelo was near, and it was difficult to remember that he wasn't even though that sensation came over him from time to time."

April felt her heart break a little. She had never heard these stories before.

"Michelangelo did have a very…_strong_ presence," she stated.

"In other words, he was a frickin' annoying loud mouth," Raphael translated with a sharp laugh. The hint of anger was evident in his voice, but no one accused him of any untruths. They all knew that even if it was what Raph meant, it wasn't his true point.

"But he had a very…pure energy about him too," April added with a note if disapproval.

"Father often said the same thing," said Leo. "He said he felt that energy had been left behind and at some times we were all more attuned to it than at others, but he said he was certain that Michelangelo had moved on and wasn't…with us, in _that_ sense."

April raised an eyebrow. "Splinter believed in that…kind of thing?" It was an odd notion, at least to her. Splinter may have been wizened and spiritual, but he hadn't been the type that April would have thought to believe in ghosts.

"No," Leo answered, "but in meditations you can sometimes come into contact with certain spiritual energies that continue to exist in this world. Splinter confessed to us before he passed that in all his attempts he had never once found Michelangelo, leading him to believe that Mike had moved on."

"I see."

Silence followed and each sat in their own mournful contemplation.

At least until the sound of a key turning in the door lock clicked and in walked Casey Jones.

* * *

The air turned almost electric quickly. Casey, looking tired and grizzled, was at first thrown back to see three faces he had not expected in his and April's living room. When he realized who the faces belonged to, his own seemed to contort through a range of emotions so vast it appeared as though his brain might hemorrhage. His eyes danced in disbelief and question from April to Leo, April to Don, and finally April to Raph, where his gaze stayed angrily for quite some time.

If Raphael was capable of blanching, he had just done so underneath that hateful glare.

"What…what are they…" Casey glanced up at April, then back over at Raphael, his countenance even darker this time. "What are _you_ doing here? Didn't think you'd ever come back."

"Yeah, me neither," Raphael replied, trying to sound confident but instead sounding like he'd swallowed a jar full of sand. "Guess I'm an ass and a liar."

Casey didn't miss a beat as he approached Raphael. "Well you're certainly an ass."

Everyone waited tensely as the visual showdown commenced between Raphael and Casey. Raph had stood to meet his friend's gaze, but the height difference left Casey with the advantage on that front. This simply left Raph puffing up and staring upward while Casey puffed up and glared down. Had the encounter not had the potential to result in an all out altercation, the image might have been amusing.

The glares continued until finally Casey's anger seemed to ebb. Finally, though somewhat begrudgingly, Casey lifted his arm and placed it on Raphael's shoulder.

"But then again," he added, his expression softening, "you kinda always were."

"Amen to that!"

Everyone afforded Donatello a quick glare.

"I uh…" Raphael squirmed, "I'm kind of surprised you haven't hit me yet."

A smile cracked Casey Jones' face – somewhat. "I haven't _completely_ decided not to yet, if that makes you feel better."

"Great," Raphael sighed.

Casey and April exchanged glances.

"Sorry," she said gently. "I thought that…this…might be easier," she extended a hand at their seated friends, "then warning you ahead of time."

"Plus you didn't want to run the risk of me not showing up, right?"

She smiled knowingly.

"And that."

Casey gave Raph a half smile before stepping over toward April and taking the other side of the couch she occupied.

"So what's been established?"

"Apologies, mostly," April added.

"That we're asses," Raph stated.

"And we're going to make up for it," Leo chimed in last.

Casey nodded as he listened, "well those are all good starts," he stated very matter-of-factly.

"We were hoping you'd say that," Donatello said with a smile.

April and Casey exchanged glances again, each of their expressions softening in the process.

"Well," he started, eyeing each of them in turn. "I guess that's that then."

Each of the turtles raised their eyebrows.

"That's that?" Leo asked, sitting forward.

"Well…yeah, I mean…you're not just forgiven, that's for sure," Casey said firmly, "but you're making headway on getting there. If you're serious…then we'll get there. It's a good start."

Everyone was quiet for a while. The unprecedented truth to Casey's words rang with full force as the silence grew between them, at least until he stood and pointed deftly at Raphael.

"You however…you I need to have some extra words with."

"What?" Raph blanched.

"Roof. Now!"

* * *

"Seriously man, it's bull shit! Six years of nothing and then 'oh hey lets be buddies again'? I mean seriously, you guys think this was just going to be easy?"

"No!"

"Then what gives, Raph?! Why the silent treatment? Six years?!"

Raphael sighed, rubbing his eyes as he sought desperately for words. This was the conversation he had wanted to avoid, because it was the conversation his brothers had never made him have in the years since Michelangelo and Splinter's deaths.

"It wasn't a good reason, Casey, okay? We were selfish, we were ashamed! We didn't know who we were anymore! I didn't know who _I_ was anymore! Hell man, most days I'm still not!"

"You don't just throw away the people who are closest to you when you're going through that man!"

"Oh – I'm sorry – I didn't realize you were an _expert_ on losing brothers, Casey!"

Casey's face suddenly dropped as Raphael said those words. It was an expression Raph had never seen on his friend before, and he knew before the words were stated just how far he had gone in his sudden temperament.

"Raph…Mikey was just as much a brother to me as you are man…I felt that loss just as much as you did. There isn't a damned day where I don't miss him and what he made all of us!"

Raphael felt his anger ebb away and defeat take over. He knew how poor of an excuse he had now to say anything else that was currently on his mind, and that realistically, Casey was right. They truly were family, and to have thought that Casey and April's pain had been any less than their own…of course…they hadn't handled each other's pain any better than they even had their own.

"Shit…Casey…"

"Spare me man, I know. You're sorry."

"I …yeah but…it's just…this is so screwed up!"

Tears began to push at the back of Raph's eyes, and as he looked up he saw they were already falling from Casey's.

"I wasn't ready for this! I wasn't ready to lose a brother! Least of all Michelangelo! And then my father!"

"I know Raph…"

"And we almost lost ourselves and you, and April! Man what the hell were we thinking? It's like _everything_ died that day!"

Raph shuddered as those words fell from his lips. "Shit…I think that's the first time I ever admitted to myself that Mike's…_dead_." Casey frowned, the expression on his face telling Raphael that there weren't really any words left. "He's dead, Casey…Mikey's dead. He isn't coming back. This is real!"

A hand fell on his shoulder as his gaze dropped to the floor.

"Mikey's really…gone."

"It's okay man."

"No it's not! He was my little brother! I should have been there! It was my job, Casey! And I failed! I let him down!"

"Man…if Mikey were here you know he'd tell you he doesn't really feel that way."

"Yeah well now we'll never know!" Raph raised his arms and shouted. Casey never budged, expecting this reaction from the beginning. "And even if he didn't blame me, that doesn't mean he shouldn't!"

"I think you're the only one that does, Raph!"

"Bull shit!"

"No man, I'm serious. It's obvious you each blame yourselves, hell I think even April does, and I know I've had my own fair share of guilt to work through in all of this. It's time to start working through it though, Raph, don't you think? It's not doing anyone any good."

Raphael sighed in defeat.

"I wasn't ready to lose my brother, Casey,"

"No one ever should be, Raph. Hell that's what love is! Shit man, it'd kill me if something happened to April! If you love someone losing them isn't supposed to be easy! But it is supposed to get easier to deal with, and you're not supposed to do it alone!"

Raphael was quiet for a moment, his gaze dancing everywhere except to meet his friends.

"Yeah…"

Casey's hand found his shoulder again.

"C'mon man…let's go. I'm sure the pizza's here by now. Let's try this family thing again and see if we can make it work."

"Yeah…okay."


	6. Bump In The Night

AN: So winter break has commenced, which means if I utilize my time properly there will be a few more updates to this story before January 6th. As such I would like to take this time to thank the kind reviewers who have so graciously fed my ego.

From this point on the turtles will be changing more from the familiarity of their past selves and transforming more into the archetypes they'll become to define the story. No doubt the experiences of the turtles here would change them from what we originally know them as, however I hope to maintain within them the core senses of their personalities to keep them loved by the fans that I share this story with.

Thank you! And happy reading!

* * *

**Bump in the Night**

* * *

The city smelled just as Raphael remembered: like rank exhaust and the fumes of stale alcohol. All the same, to him, it was home. The comfort of familiarity bubbled up within him, stronger with each passing moment.

Months had gone by since his brothers had finally pulled themselves from their lowly grief, and now, for the first time in what felt like ages, they were back amongst the rooftops of their beloved city, ready to get their crime fighting days back into full swing.

Things finally felt right again.

"Alright, so I want to keep this low key," Leonardo started, already comfortably situated back into his role of leadership, and his unusually annoying habit of giving out orders. "We've improved far more than I could have hoped for in the dojo these past few weeks, but as always, the streets are different. Remember, we're still rusty. Our enemies have had a long time to prepare in our absence. We need to be ready."

Raphael yawned loudly, drawing a frown from his elder brother. Donatello on the other hand, remained unperturbed and even expectant of this behavior.

"Have anything else to add, Raphael?"

"Nah."

Leo's frown and silence persisted for a few moments longer before he continued his directions.

"Just a quick run through of the rooftops for now, maybe check some side streets and alleys. If we're lucky we won't run into anything too large tonight."

"Ugh, boring."

"Raph we need to be careful!"

"We will be!"

"Guys…" Donnie warned exasperatedly. "We haven't even gotten _started_ yet."

Both Leo and Raphael sighed in acquiescence.

"Everyone understand?" Leo asked after a few seconds pause.

Raphael and Donatello nodded.

Within minutes the brothers were flying over the rooftops of New York City. The fresh, crisp air in their faces and lungs was rejuvenating in ways they couldn't believe they'd forgotten, much like their return to the dojo; their energy and fortitude seemed to somehow find itself again, almost magically restored as they leapt from building top to building top, keeping to the mists and shadows of the night they knew as their second home. At times, when the exhilaration was built too high, one of them would laugh, remembering long ago what this freedom was like, this excitement and this sense of control and power. They were masters of their environment, youthful bodies molded to take on the rigid demands of their work with near effortless ease.

Too long had they been gone from the shadows; too long had they been absent from the alleyways where crime took hold.

Now they were returned, and they would take back this city with all the fervor of their remaining youth and renewed strength.

There was no denying that they were the closest to whole that they'd been in a long time.

Each of the turtles individually reveled in the feel of grit between their toes as they leapt and jumped through the night's shadows. They wanted to but could not stop as their lungs joyfully heaved in the cold air, and as their muscles screamed with both unfamiliar use and dire yearning to keep going as each bound playfully from rooftops, cables, fire escapes, and any and all things that they could grasp and climb upon.

For the moment, their practice forgotten, the city became their jungle gym and they became children hidden too long from the world, wrapped up in exuberant play and the fulfillment of their purpose once again realized. Grunts of forced strength became laughter, orders became playful teases, and gritted teeth turned into wide smiles.

They were lost in the familiarity of it all until a scream reached their ears, bringing their reverie to an almost indignant halt.

Each of the brothers stopped cold in their tracks, looking to each other in silent confirmation.

Duty, at last, had called.

As a unit, they nodded and moved to where each heard the sound, looking down into a darkened alley where a woman and her young child stood cornered. The humans were perfectly illuminated, but whoever – or whatever - their assailant was still had itself masked in the shadows.

Leo needed only to nod, and his brothers translated the signal without thought. Each took point at a different position where the alley headed off and awaited his final signal – to attack.

It did not take long.

While the mother and her child cowered, the turtles fell one by one in line, ready to defend against her attacker.

Being at ground level now, each of the turtles could see a small mob of men had chased her to this choke point, each brandishing their own sets of weapons, from shivs to bats and clubs. Their expressions changed from sickening hunger to confusion and even repulsion at the sight of the turtles – not something they were wholly unfamiliar with - before either fleeing or setting to attack, angered that these creatures had come between them and their prey.

The battle did not take long.

What few thugs that had remained lay prostrated at the ninjas' feet within minutes of the battle having commenced – it hadn't felt so much like a victory as a mugging.

Leo sighed, realizing that in the end that was really all they had ever done in events such as this. But at least those on the receiving end had been more worthy than the woman and her son. Leo looked to his brothers, all of whom turned to the woman who – surprisingly enough – had ceased her screaming. Both woman and child looked upon the turtles with the most unexpected of expressions – excitement?

"Oh my god!" she breathed, inching forward, her face wild with a flurried mix of emotions, the child meanwhile moved expressionlessly to the shadows behind her. "You – you saved us!"

This was an unprecedented reaction – most of the time the people they saved screamed or started swinging, uncertain and fearful of what their saviors really were. It was understandable, and something they had gotten used to as acting heroes of New York City. It simply came with the job. But this…this woman showed no sign of fright at all, and they were clearly illuminated by a street lamp just on the outskirts of the alleyway.

Perhaps she was in shock?

"Ma'am?" Donnie spoke hesitantly, not sure why this woman was not screaming in fear and reeling backward from them as he approached. "Ma'am, are you all right?"

Something turned in the pit of Leo's stomach as he watched the lady approach his brother, though he wasn't entirely sure as to why. He could only say that he sensed that something was off.

He and his brothers might have saved the wrong victims from an untimely end just now.

"Oh yes!" she gasped, moving forward even closer to Donatello, who was clearly growing uncomfortable with her proximity, but did not make a move to dodge her just yet.

"What about your son?"

Leo's lingering suspicion was confirmed as Donatello spoke those words. The air seemed to grow cold, and in less than a second the woman's face mutated into something more than human – or not human at all! Her eyes became blood red and her teeth morphed into golden fangs. The child in her shadows disappeared into smoke and seemed to be absorbed into her form– an illusion from the start! Donnie reeled backward just in time to avoid five long claws that swiped out at him fiercely.

"You monsters!" She shrieked venomously.

"That's…ironic," Raphael could not help but laugh.

The woman – if she could still be called that, pulled her lips back and laughed, exposing her horrible dripping fangs and rancid breath. Strange, violet vapors lilted between her teeth and wreathed itself around her face.

"You little freaks interrupted my dinner!" She spat. "And it took so long to find a group willing to follow me!"

Leo raised any eyebrow. "Dinner?"

The creature rolled her shoulders, almost flirtatiously. "A girl has to eat, doesn't she?"

Donnie moved to counter another swipe as Raphael pinned her other clawed hand behind her with both of his sais. The woman – if she could still be called that – heaved him over her head, Raphael's shell making a sick crack against the ground. She hissed and spat at them, green and yellow slime oozing between her elongated fangs. Suddenly, she bound up the walls of the building, and over the rooftops – out of sight and likely gone for good.

It took Donatello and Leonardo a few seconds to regain their composure, all the while Raphael struggled to right himself from the concrete.

"What – the – _HELL_ was THAT?!" Donnie yelled, his voice shaking almost as much as his body. "That wasn't human!"

"Ya' think?!" Raphael spat as he stood, wincing against the pain from what was sure to be some soon to be newly formed and brutal bruises. "Hell…shit…" he coughed, doubling back over. "I ain't ever been tossed like that before!"

Donnie moved to help his brother stand, all the while Leo kept watch to make sure that thing didn't return.

"I think we'd better talk to April," Donnie started as they moved toward the nearest sewer outlet. "See what we've been missing since we've been gone."

Leo lifted the sewer head as Raphael eased himself in.

"That might be a good idea," he whispered, his gaze darting back and forth.

Something had left Leo unnerved about the encounter with that woman, something he couldn't quite place his finger on.

They'd fought countless monsters before, all varying in their own unique grotesqueness. There had been nothing _perceivably_ disturbing about her. Fangs, claws, and more was often a feature of the creatures Leo and his brothers had fought. Perhaps it was the ease with which she had gotten away? Perhaps it was how human she had seemed up until the point of rescue? Maybe it was all of that and more…how unreal she had seemed even when speaking to her?

Leo also sensed that her presence was just the foreboding of something bigger to come.

"You okay?" Donnie touched Leo's shoulder, drawing him back to the present.

"I…yeah…that thing…just…"

"It's weird…" Donatello stated in agreement to his brother's unbelieving demeanor. "But it's gone now."

"It looked human though, didn't it?" He asked, "I didn't imagine that, right? Am I insane, Donnie?"

His brother afforded him a sad smile.

"No Leo, you're not insane. We all saw it."

Leo nodded in appreciation, waited for Donnie to slip into the sewers, and then followed suit.

Leo's eyes spent a great deal of time peeling back over his shoulder as they made their way back to the lair, silently fearing that whatever that creature was might be lurking in the shadows waiting to make a meal out of them instead.

When they reached the lair, Donatello tended to Raphael's injuries though there was little that could be done for bruising, and instead recommended that his brothers rest, as they had a great deal to look into tomorrow.

Despite Donatello's instructions, Leo found no sleep.

* * *

There was little doubt that given April's expression, she was seriously beginning to doubt her friends' sanity.

"She did…what, exactly again?"

Donnie sighed in a masked effort to hide his frustration. Each of them had repeated this story enough times- it wasn't that April didn't understand, it was that she was trying to find a hole in their story.

"She changed April! Like she wasn't human anymore!"

"Go more in depth…what happened exactly?"

Donnie looked to Leo and Raph before starting again. "Her eyes changed color, she grew these…fangs, started oozing something from her mouth and her fingers became claws! Here! See!" He pulled up his bo staff and showed her the deep claw marks that the creature had left on hit.

"Yeah and she tossed my ass like a ragdoll," Raphael spat.

April gazed at the scratch marks, running over them with her fingers. Her expression darkened as she did so, and it seemed to the turtles that her brain was running at a million miles a minute.

"I…that looks like something from an animal," she stated. "Look, Donnie I don't doubt that you guys _think_ you saw what you saw but…maybe…maybe it wasn't? Maybe you guys weren't as ready to come back to the surface as you thought you were?"

Donnie frowned, "what does that mean?"

April hesitated, certainly to choose her next words carefully.

"I'm just saying that…maybe you guys…maybe the stress of everything…maybe…" she stopped, and sighed while waving her hand in front of her face. "Never mind. Forget I said anything."

"You think we're crazy."

Leave it to Raphael to state the inconveniently obvious.

"No!" April turned, arguing swiftly. "I just think maybe with the emotional duress you've all been under, being back…maybe you didn't process what you saw properly."

"Yeah well I have bruises that state otherwise, April."

She bit her lip in quiet contemplation, knowing full well there was no delicate way to state her intent – that maybe her friends were not yet ready for the surface world. Perhaps their grief had damaged them in ways they weren't even remotely aware of, ways that only were just now beginning to take shape.

"Regardless," she answered roughly. "I haven't heard of anything like this before."

"Nothing?" Donatello chided. "No outbreak of viral infection, no strings of violent behavior? Nothing at all, in the past six years that we've been gone?"

April's brow furrowed in frustration.

"No!" she spat, her face growing a shade to match her hair. "There's been nothing outside of the ordinary crime wave that's characteristic of this city. There's been no rash outbreaks of disease, violence, or anything out of the norm. No monster attacks! No aliens! No Shredder, no Krang – hell I don't think Casey has even heard a whisper of the foot."

All of the turtles frowned.

"Nothing whatsoever?" Leo asked, disbelieving. "Are you sure, April?"

Something other than anger flashed in April's eyes as she turned to face Leo down.

"I'm _sure_, Leonardo. Why would I lie?"

Raphael sighed listlessly in the chair he'd nestled himself in. It seemed his frustrations were growing at a rate similar to those of everyone else in the rooms. Donnie seemed to empathize because he did not, for once, shoot his brother a withering glare.

"I'm not saying you're lying April," Leo continued in defense, "what I _am_ saying is that it seems strange that all of our old enemies seemed to drop off of the face of the planet in our absence."

"Not only that," Donnie added, "but no new ones rose up to take their place?"

"This has bad news written all over it," Leo agreed. "Providing you're not missing something."

April sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose in frustration. Each of the turtles had seen that before, and they knew they were well on their way to getting kicked out if they persisted in their accusations.

Raphael was the first to break the tense silence.

"Okay…so say this isn't what we think it is," he offered in acquiescence. "How could each of us have seen the same thing?"

"Truth be told Raphael, there's a plethora of psychoanalytical evidence I could reference to explain that, but I don't have the energy." April stood and marched over to the turtle who was about to protest. "And I don't have the time! I think its best you boys went home. Rest. We can reevaluate everything in the morning!"

Donatello moved as if to argue, but April cut him off with a glare and a wave of her hand.

"Not now, Donnie!" her fierce tone made the turtle flinch.

After a few seconds she sighed an apology and rubbed her eyes.

"Guys…please. Tomorrow, okay?"

Leo nodded, seeing the telltale signs of her exhaustion.

"Sorry April, we'll go."

"Its fine Leo, I'm sorry too. I promise I'll help you guys tomorrow I'm just…tired."

With that the turtles left, offering goodbyes and goodnights before returning to the lair.

* * *

It was just after dawn when Donatello came to Leo with a book in his hands; a rare event since Donnie normally did research on his computer.

Leo jumped as the tome was tossed in his lap.

Given his inability to sleep the previous night due to their encounter with the – well, whatever it was, he was attempting to catch up on short naps now. Donnie didn't realize he'd cut that effort short for his brother, but Leo wasn't going to say anything just yet.

What was more surprising than the book itself was that the book had actually been one of Splinter's. Leo took one look at the cover title and cast Donnie a questioning look.

"Demonology?"

Donnie sighed. Clearly, he had been ready for this conversation.

"Yeah."

Leo flipped through a few of the pages Donnie had marked, considering but not really absorbing any of the information.

"You think that's what she was?"

"Page two hundred and seventy four."

Leo raised an eye bridge. Silently wishing he had been given a brother that could just directly answer a question when asked, he did as Donnie commanded and flipped the pages until he reached the one Donnie had mentioned.

His eyes poured over a few illustrations of demons with wings, hooves, tails, and nonsensical descriptions of soul devouring, and the types of environments they preferred.

"All right, I'll bite," Leo sighed, tossing the book back to his brother. "What made you think it was this one?"

Donnie sighed.

"You didn't read any of it, did you?"

"No," Leo admitted forwardly, rubbing his eyes. "Now hurry up and answer my question so I can tell you how crazy you are."

Donnie sighed again, flipping to the page.

"Red eyes, fangs, feeds on human souls, ability to fly or scale large structures when in human form. Super human strength, agility – it explains everything!"

"Minus the tail, hooves, wings…you know, the things that make it look like that!"

"No – look see – it says right here that they can take human form, or possess them at least…"

"Do you know how crazy this sounds?"

"Leo, we're five-foot sewer dwelling, ninjitsu practicing turtles…_crazy_ is kind of our every day norm."

The elder brother laughed.

"Okay, true…but Donnie…_demons?_" His little brother looked slight ashamed of himself, but there was still a glimmer of hope in his eyes, one that Leo had seen before. Then, suddenly, Donnie's reasoning made sense. "Donnie…even if this is what we saw…"

"I know, I know…it's a shot in the dark, but it's at least something!" Donnie stood up, pacing back and forth. "Leo…we should try and find it again!"

The very thought of encountering that creature again made Leo's blood run cold.

"Donnie, no! You saw what she did to Raph!"

"But think of what she could - "

"Do? Other than _kill_ us?!"

Donnie looked as though he were going to fight Leo's logic. There was clearly a thought in his mind, but he pulled it back, clamping his mouth shut before it slipped out. Leo stood up, approaching his brother and placing his hands on his shoulders which slumped under a familiar burden.

"Donnie…I know what you're thinking…but…we need to accept that we lost that battle. And you're banking on a creature that tried to you and Raphael suddenly having a change of heart and now helping us?"

Donnie brushed his hands away.

"It's the closest thing we've had in six years Leo!"

"Donnie…Mike's dead. And whatever this creature is, it's evil and it needs to die. But that's not our battle. This isn't our realm of experience, we know nothing about it, and I'm not going to have any of you risking your lives to do so."

"But-"

"No!" Leo snapped. Donnie flinched, and Leo hated to see it, but he knew if he didn't nip this in the bud soon Donnie would continue to pine over the idea, and Leo would _not_ bury another brother. "Now, put the book back and I don't want to hear any more talk about this."

Leo watched his brother leave, somehow feeling that, for the first time in years, Donatello might have been completely correct in his analysis on this matter. That thought filled Leo more with fear than with hope. As he made his way to his bedroom, he began to consider if the possibility of getting Michelangelo back – if that was even possible – might have been worth the risk. His own uncertainty on the matter brought the turtle to tears.

* * *

Donnie trudged back to his lab, defeated and heartbroken.

In the dim light he paid no heed to the relic that had once been his fathers and tossed the book away. As he began to find his way to his nearest workstation – hopeful that some tinkering might take his mind from his anger – he heard an unexpected soft thud and a curse perforate the darkness.

The voice was too familiar for Donnie to be fearful.

"Raph?"

Donnie turned on the lights with a nearby switch, more to make sure he didn't further injure his already wounded brother.

When he saw Raph standing – albeit looking slightly irritated – Donnie knew he hadn't done any real damage.

"What are you doing in here? You should be resting!"

"Couldn't help but overhear your talk with Leo," he grumbled lowly, mindful of their elder brothers bat like hearing abilities. "And I think you may be on to something."

Donnie's heart swelled with affection for his brother, but preceded to sink soon thereafter upon recalling Leo's words.

"Yeah well, Leo's already forbidden it."

Raphael snorted derisively.

"Yeah well, if we all listened to Leo all the time we wouldn't have much fun, would we?"

A grin began to dance over Donatello's face. He knew exactly what Raphael was getting at. For as much as Donnie hated to disobey Leo's orders – they had been given for good reason after all – he still could not help but feel that this lead was worth pursuing, and he was near ecstatic to learn that Raphael was going to back him up in this hunt.

"Tomorrow night," Raph whispered.

"You think you'll be up for running around by then?" Donnie asked, his eyes grazing Raph's still very obvious bruises.

"Hell yeah," Raphael hissed through a wicked grin. "Besides, I want to give that bitch a taste of her own medicine.


	7. Tomorrow Will Not Be Kinder

Tomorrow Will Not Be Kinder

* * *

"So at what point did we not stop to try and figure out how we were going to find this thing?" Raphael asked in exasperation.

Donatello sighed as he flipped through the book he had taken from Splinter's collection the previous night.

"Actually," he stated matter-of-factly, "I _did_ try to figure out how to find the thing. I just don't know if it will work."

"Fantastic!" Raphael snapped as he threw his hands up in the air which, to Donnie's amusement, caused him to hiss in pain. Not much, but enough to smart and take his mind off of riding Donnie's ass for a few minutes.

"Listen, this should work," Donnie said confidently, waving around a canister of red spray paint. "We summon her here, she's gotta come, right?"

"To what end?" Raphael asked as he straightened himself. "Just drag her over here with some magic mojo and say 'Hey, what's up?'"

Donnie frowned and got ready to protest, until he thought about it. "Yeah, pretty much," he replied as he began to draw out the pentagram. "That's the gist of it."

Raphael sighed, creeping up behind his brother to nose his way into the setup.

"So when did you start buying into this magic crap anyway?" Raphael asked, eager to change the topic from summoning a murderous demon to their currently occupied rooftop. "You were always Bill Nye the science dweeb, what changed?"

Donatello chuckled as he shook the can to get more liquid.

"Well…I guess the same key component that changes us all."

Raphael blinked, clueless.

"Desperation, Raph."

"Ugh," his brother moaned.

Donnie glared as his brother leaned against a nearby storage unit, carefully eyeing him as he worked.

"You know…what happened ain't your fault, Donnie."

"I know."

"Why are you struggling so hard to figure this out? Mikey isn't coming back."

In an instant the mood around the two changed. Donnie was on his feet, rounding on Raphael in an unforeseen fit of anger. "You don't know that!" Donnie shot up from a three-quarter finished pentagram. "No one knows that! We have to try!"

"Whoa, whoa!" Raph raised his hands in defense, "okay!"

"No!" Donnie covered the distance between him and Raphael in a heartbeat, "no this is _not_ okay! Do you think if it were any one of us Michelangelo would have given up!?"

It took the other turtle a moment to think about it, but when he thought about it he knew his answer to be true.

"Honestly?" Raphael asked, his voice quaking somewhat. "Yeah…I do." Donnie's expression changed wordlessly from rage to confusion, giving him a little bit of time to explain. "Look Donnie, Mikey may have had some excessive energy spurts and a wild imagination, but between the four of us I honestly think he was the most…well-adjusted. I think he would have easily mourned and moved on like a healthy minded person, and he probably would have found a way for us all to do so together…"

Donatello's confusion contorted into a frown, but whatever had been on his mind vanished in the wake of his brother's words. Instead of arguing Raphael's point he opted to return to his work, leaving his brother to watch him in nervous consideration. Minutes passed before anything else was said.

New York was strangely silent, which gave each of them a nervous chill that neither was willing to admit to – though that was likely in part due to their current task at hand.

Neither of the turtles had informed Leo of their intent for the night, meaning that whatever happened here was going to stay here. In truth, that was how they had wanted it. In fact, they had both planned on and executed an ingenious ruse of a fight, wrapping up the act by storming off to their own respective corners of the lair in an effort to make Leo think that they would likely remain that way for the rest of the night and giving him no need to suspect anything might be amiss. Even Donatello had commented how amazingly they'd pulled the instance off, and that he couldn't have imagined it going any better.

However, as he finalized the points of their ritual for the night he couldn't help but get the feeling that this was a bad idea. Maybe it was in part due to Raphael's words – that maybe all of his efforts of bringing back Michelangelo would be wasted because there was no Michelangelo to bring back at all. Somewhere though, amidst all the self doubt, self hate, and scientific know how that told him it was impossible, there was a part of the old Donatello that he could not ignore…that he knew his brother was alive. He had been there to see him go – and he knew how badly Mikey didn't want to. He owed it to his little brother to do everything he could to bring him back; knowing that the reason he was there was because he wished to save his brothers from the possibility of an equally gruesome fate.

Still, the nagging persisted.

What if there was no surviving hell? What if Michelangelo had truly made the ultimate sacrifice to save his family? Why had that possibility, that _probability_, been so hard for Donnie to accept?

He sighed audibly, drawing Raphael's silent attention.

"You're right."

Raphael was silent for a moment longer, leading Donatello to believe he hadn't heard him – at least not completely, so he repeated himself, this time louder.

"You're right, you know. About Michelangelo."

"About what exactly with Michelangelo?" Raphael asked, his voice somber and low.

"He would have moved on," Donnie laughed sadly as he placed some small lit candles at the points of the star. "He would have known what to do for all of us. He wouldn't have let us linger in our self pity for so long."

Raphael chuckled softly, stepping forward and taking a few of the candles in his hands for Donnie to light.

"Yeah," Raph agreed. "He'd have had all of this figured out by now. He was amazingly practical when we needed him to be."

Donatello nodded in agreement, eyeing their setup with critical eyes.

"Now look at us, me doing magic and you talking sense?"

Both laughed this time. It was a steady, easing sound that helped dispel their nerves in the wake of what was to come.

"Mikey would never believe this."

Donnie put his hands on his hips, looking everything over and then reaching for another book he'd hidden away in his satchel.

"You're right," he agreed, flipping through the pages and casting Raphael a devious grin. "He won't."

Raphael put on his best 'I see what you did there' face and stepped away from the circle to move to Donnie's side.

"Ready?" he asked

"As ready as I'll ever be." Raphael rested his hands on his sais, ready to face this creature down once again. He hoped that this would be it, and if this didn't work they could forget this useless endeavor and go home.

* * *

It hadn't taken long after Donatello had started the ritual for the effects to be prevalent.

Raphael hadn't expected this to work, not in the least. Magic was…well…_magic_. It existed in fairy tales and in Michelangelo's old video games, not in the real world. The only thing they had ever really known was science and nature – both of which had been the primary components in their own creation. Raphael may not have understood them, but like everything else at least those elements followed rules, and that was something he could respect.

Supposedly magic followed its own set of rules, Donnie had told him as they had finalized the setup, but none of them made sense to Raphael. Granted, not much made sense to Raphael. He'd be the first person to admit that he was never the brains of the operation – and truth be told, he was okay with that. Being the muscle was more than enough, and that was something he was good at. The leading, that was Leo's gig. The smarts: Donnie, and the imaginative and creative side of things had always been for Mikey.

So when Donatello had told him how these things were supposed to work, Raphael had just gone along with it. None of it made sense anyway, and what was the probability of it even working?

When the pentagram and the surrounding Aramaic symbols began to glow red during Donnie's chanting, Raphael realized all too late that they had made a huge mistake. He reached to shake his brother's shoulder, jarring him out of the trance the ritual had pulled him into – but Donnie was too ensconced in the matter at hand. Raphael, not knowing what else to do, drew his sais and waited – for what, he wasn't sure, but the least he could do was make sure nothing came swooping down and took out his brother as the rest of the ritual unfolded.

Time seemed to slow down as the turtle's anticipation grew, but even as Donnie's chanting stopped and the glowing dimmed and later vanished completely, nothing happened. The brothers exchanged glances, let their eyes dance around, and then returned to staring at one another in confusion.

"Anything happen?" Donnie asked, as if he'd only stepped outside for a moment, now returned to catch up on the conversation.

"Nothing," Raphael replied flippantly. He hated to say it, but he was partially relieved.

Donatello frowned and, picking the book back up, started to flip through the pages again.

"Maybe I did something wrong," he muttered, getting lost in the scripts as Raphael kept an eye pinned to their surroundings. "I was so sure I had everything!

"Look, it's okay," Raphael sighed, his relief growing in the wake of the uneventfulness. "Maybe Splinter's book wasn't as accurate as you thought? Or maybe whatever that thing is, isn't even a demon after all? Maybe it's some sort of weird mutation."

"Raphael we've seen almost every kind of mutation there is to know about that modern science can provide, have you ever seen anything like that?"

Just as he was about to protest, a sharp laugh permeated the air around them. Raphael's sais were back out and at the ready, while Donatello only peered out with a blank expression.

"Who's there?!" they asked in unison.

Silence at first, but soon the scratching of claws and heaved breathing could be heard from behind a storage unit to their side. As the brothers turned they were met with bright red eyes staring down at them from its roof. The face was the same, but also different.

"You're not the same demon!" Donatello accused loudly. "The other one had a different face!"

The creature cocked its head. Matted and tangled hair made for a maddened, lion like face on the creature's countenance.

"Am I not?" she hissed through her dripping fangs. "Perhaps I'm just wearing a _new_ face?"

Raphael felt his blood run cold.

"You can move between humans? Or do you spread like a virus?"

The demon laughed, dropping down to the ground to meet them at eye level. She stood not fully erect, hunched almost as if ready to pounce if need be.

"Let's cut to the chase," she hissed, circling around the brothers slowly. "Neither of those questions are the answers you seek."

Raphael spat on the ground. He'd already had enough of this creature, and wanted nothing more than to gut her for what she'd done – and more frighteningly – what she could do.

"You're right," Donnie replied, closing the book and letting it fall to the ground. He stepped closer, despite Raphael's silent protests. "I'm allowed three questions, am I not?"

The creature nodded.

Raphael frowned, eyeing his brother curiously. He hadn't known there was a ritual to the inquiry process as well. He had simply assumed they were going to beat the answers out of the thing and then kill it, now they were adhering to rules and propriety?

"Question one, are you a demon?"

The creature smiled, baring her sharp fangs once more. Raphael could smell something awful on her breath and on the vapors that slithered from her mouth. Decay, and…sulfur?

"Yes."

Donnie inhaled sharply, careful not to make himself sound fearful. Raphael wasn't sure it had worked.

"Where did you come from?"

This time, her smile dropped and she shuddered, as if recalling a distant, unpleasant memory. Her eyes closed, before opening again to lull about lazily in her head.

"The same place we all come from."

Donnie inhaled again, stepping closer to the demon. Raphael swore under his breath and inched closer as well, ready to leap should this thing take a swing at his brother.

He knew that look in Donnie's eyes, and it was the one look he hadn't wanted to see tonight: Excitement.

Whenever Donatello got excited, whenever he was on the precipice of getting where he wanted – he lost all sense of caution and reared headlong into whatever course of action it would take to get him there. His brother was no longer concerned for his own safety, and as such was readily throwing himself into this creature's destructive path, giving Raphael little room to maneuver should the worst happen.

"How did you get here?"

Suddenly the demon stood up, fully erect and terrifying, albeit horrendously grotesque. Her figure was undoubtedly human, but there was more to it still. The muscles were contorted, on top of elongated fingers and teeth that made for deadly claws and fangs. Her face was pulled back in a wrinkled sneer, and her fowl stench made her nearly unapproachable. Her features morphed into a smile – hideous - and she began to speak as she circled again.

"That's a story, my love. See…this has been something in the works since before you were a spec in your mother's - mother's - mother's eye. We're coming back, slowly, and we'll take this world for our own. It's ripe for the picking, all the sin? The evil? The treachery? Yes…this world will be ours. We're leaking out now in tears here and there…but soon we'll be out in droves." She cracked her neck – a sickening noise – and stepped closer to Donatello who did not back down. "But that's not what you care about…you're looking for someone. You're looking for _him_, the one like you that has been in our realm for millennia."

"It hasn't been millennia," Donnie corrected. The creature laughed.

"Not by your calendars, dear," she spat, inching even closer. Far too close for Raphael's comfort. He stepped closer, not caring about the stench or this monster's vial appearance. Something was going to happen, and he needed to be ready. Their encounter with this creature tonight wasn't going to end with tea and cookies for sure. "Time passes differently where I come from. Months here equates to decades to us, and that kind of time spent there…well….it _changes_ you."

Now Raphael's interest was piqued. Both turtles knew exactly who she was talking about, and this information – if it was true – changed a lot of things for all of them. So Michelangelo was alive? But was he still Michelangelo? This had not been a question any of them had asked themselves in the time that has passed since his disappearance – however, realizing now that his brother was still alive left the turtle with something of a thrill in his heart. He had been wrong, they had all been wrong except for Donatello.

He wanted to cry, but not now. This was not the time. Later. First they had to survive the nights encounter so they could use this information later.

"He will come," the creature reassured Donatello with his unasked questions. "But he will be like us. He will not come back to you the absurd child that he was. Oh no, lovely, he will be one of us, and he will act and think as we do."

"I don't believe you!" Donnie hissed, the first words he had spoken since this creature had confirmed his suspicions.

It happened so quickly that Raphael didn't have time to process the action. The woman was upon Donatello, her one clawed hand wrapped around his neck and jaw so tightly that Raph was sure he was able to hear the bones creak against themselves .His brother squirmed in agony and protest, but made no noise. Raphael was quick to pounce, but the creature grabbed his arm and twisted – not enough to break it – but enough to make sure that she had their attention.

"It was you who started this, you know? The portal that opened up so long ago? Where you threw the dark one and the mutant in? He was your brother, wasn't he?"

Donnie squirmed again, but she only squeezed harder.

"Such sacrifice, but in the end he became far worse than what death would have made of him. You will see soon enough!" She wrenched Raphael from her hands, sending him flying. Donatello she was not as kind to. His head met the concrete hard enough to knock him out completely, but even then she was not done. Helpless, Raphael watched as her clawed fingers slowly dug deep into his brother's side. The squelching noise of blood and ripped flesh made its way to his ears, but even as she did so the creature still spoke, making Raphael ill.

"You will see the terrors wrought of monsters you could never imagine in your wildest dreams! You will see your brother and the dark one among them and you will weep! And you will know as you die slowly and painfully that this fault lies on you and your family! He will come for you! The dark one will come for you! And you will know suffering as they have known suffering! No one will save you!"

At that moment the creature screamed in pain. Her clawed hand ripped from Donatello's side – who remained limp – and fled across the rooftops, gone again.

Raphael looked up in time to see Leonardo emerge from the shadows, his expression a mixture of rage and pain the likes he had not seen in some time. Both of their eyes cast down to Donatello who lay motionless on the cold floor.

"We need to get home," was all Leo said. Raphael said nothing, but obliged his big brother's demand.


End file.
